We’re looking forward to introducing you to Stephen Jaye. Check out our conversation below.
Stephen, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
I have been blessed to have so many positive social interactions. These include going to concerts, group summer vacations and just really in depth discussions. I have had many people just tell me they appreciate talking with me, or appreciate my energy. This year there have been several places I have gone where I found myself in a fairly large group with no bad energy, only positive vibes, no conflict, not even the lowkey trying to one up people or say something bad about someone not in the room. This has been an amazing experience and I am grateful for it.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Stephen Jaye and I founded Reclaim Your Time based on my concern about how excessive screen time, primarily on attention grabbing technology like social media, has impacted our communities and mental health. Recently, many people have come to the realization that we are spending too much time glued to our phones, or on platforms on our laptops and televisions. Many people use tools like tracking screen time and setting limits. Though my study of social psychology and behaviorism, as well as experimenting on myself, I’ve realized the key to avoiding the impacts of too much time on addictive attention grabbing technology is to have different, healthier activities to do. This is why my program is all about facilitating behavior replacements.
I originally studied atmospheric science and still have a deep interest in weather and how it impacts all of us. I grew up on Long Island, New York, spent much of my life in the midwest and now live in Denver, Colorado where I enjoy outdoor activities such as skiing in the winter and cycling the rest of the year. I am also a very social person. Community building is important to me and have always had a deep interest in people, the way we think and the way we interact with one another.
Okay, so here’s a deep one: What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
Bonds between people are broken in many ways. We are all familiar with breakups, as well as “friend breakups” where people will have an explosive argument and just decide to cut someone out of their life. However, while this occurrence is explosive, it does not occur nearly as frequently as two other occurrences that create distance between people. First is people hiding some aspect of how they feel, typically out of fear of judgement. This creates a distance, things you can’t talk to someone about, things you no longer share. The second and most tragic one is people just not making the effort. Unless you live with someone, work with someone, or are part of a community group with someone, a relationship requires someone to make an effort to maintain the connection. Someone has to call, text, initiate plans and meetups. When all parties stop making this effort, the connection can get lost.
Restoring connection is often as simple as reaching out to someone and telling them that you are thinking of them, appreciate them, actually have the desire to connect. It is more powerful when it comes with actual curiosity about what is going on in someone’s life combined with active listening. This makes someone feel as if they matter. Personally, I like to prioritize people when I feel like I genuinely matter to them. Most people want to be more connected to more people, especially people from their past. If someone I had not talked to in years were to contact me out of genuine desire to reconnect, I would be delighted to.
If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
Don’t trust the system. Most of what they teaching you and the person they are trying to encourage you to be is to serve someone else’s purpose. Some common advice is good. Maybe you should drink a bit less and learn to be okay with spending a bit more time by yourself to relax and reflect. However, there are a lot of things people are telling you that you should kind of just ignore. The materialism of our culture and hierarchal work structures don’t make sense to you. This does not mean there is something wrong with you. You are a smart person with wonderful ideas and only want people to enjoy their lives. Trust that instinct.
So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. Where are smart people getting it totally wrong today?
Oh my gosh, where do I begin. One of the primary ways people are getting it wrong today is focusing on the external rather than the internal. Everyone is in search of happiness. The Pursuit of Happiness was written into our Declaration of Independence. However, we often pursue happiness in the form of a series of external events. Statements such as “I will be so happy once I get a promotion.” What people don’t realize is that, first of all, we are far more likely to get that promotion if we find a way to be happy before getting it. Also, we may discover along the way that what will truly make us the most happy is not the promotion, but a different change, possibly involving a relationship, social circle, or finding more time for some hobbies.
Of course, this is an issue for all people. When it comes specifically to “smart” people, we are getting a lot of things wrong about work. We never realized that they types of jobs that people do at an office require a completely different setup for optimal performance than the punch-in, punch-out system associated with manufacturing and assembly lines. We set up our work times to somewhat resemble that system while also setting it up so that people are doing indoor jobs during daylight hours (9 am to 5 pm) and not getting any sun. Also, many companies find frameworks, like agile development, and think they can just copy what a different successful company did with adapting it to their specific needs. It is just all something we need to be rethinking.
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. If you laid down your name, role, and possessions—what would remain?
My excitement for truly experiencing life. My energy. The way I process emotions, for the better or for the worse. My genuine curiosity, about people, about life, about science, about why things work the way they do. My desire to see how patterns that aren’t really serving us can be disrupted. My desire to see people happy. My ability to understand things, the way things work and make connections between observations that don’t seem related to most people. My openness to new ideas. My imagination, thinking about “what if.” My sense of humor.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://reclaimyourtime.co
- Instagram: @stephen_jaye
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephen-jaye/
- Twitter: @stephen_jaye
- Youtube: @reclaimyourtime
Image Credits
These are all my photos
