We recently had the chance to connect with Alyssa Kapnik Samuel and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Alyssa, thank you so much for joining us today. We’re thrilled to learn more about your journey, values and what you are currently working on. Let’s start with an ice breaker: What are you most proud of building — that nobody sees?
It’s not that nobody sees this particular series of photographs — hopefully lots of people do. But I have no access to the spaces where they’re shown.
First, some background: In 2019, the CDC released a study saying that Black, Native, and Alaskan Native women are 2-3 times more likely than their white counterparts to die in childbirth or the year following before age 30, and 4-5 more likely after the age of 30.
I was stunned. The CDC itself said that it was because of systemic racism. Providers and hospitals were set up to see Black and Native women as less valuable, and the women felt and feel that. No way around it. I held on to that statistic for a while. I didn’t know what to do with it, but I thought about it all the time because I was immersed in the birth world. I gave birth for the first time in 2016, and my birth was hugely traumatic. It took me the better part of a decade and my second birth to heal from it. And so, in the interim, I felt obsessed with learning about birth in general.
After my first birth, I started using my greatest personal tool, my camera, to process my anxiety and fear of birth itself. I announced to a moms group online that if any of the members told me where their birth was happening, and invited me to show up, I would photograph them with their babies, bonding, right after the birth. And so I did. I showed up. I photographed. It was remarkably helpful for me. It gave me a context and a purpose to be in and around other women processing their births. I did this about 40 times. It was cathartic and emotional and buoying. And women told me that the photographs I made for them impacted them. Showed them something beautiful about their births and their babies and their families and themselves.
When I shifted my whole business to focus primarily on photographing moms bonding with their babies, I realized that I could use the power of my work for potential good. The photographs are a powerful representation of how deeply relatable and deeply human it is to love our babies. No matter our skin color. So I created an ongoing series that I’ve been adding to for years now. I offer Black and Native women free sessions in my home studio. They get 60 minutes with me, just like anyone else, and they get two free digital photographs from the session, too.
Since I started photographing for the series, I’ve had women’s clinics and birth centers request to hang the series in their spaces. My work hangs at the Denver Health Lowry Family Medicine Center, the UC Health Midwifery clinic in Aurora, and the Seasons Midwifery Birth Center in Thornton. One provider told me, “It’s really helping our Black OB patients feel seen and comfortable in our clinic.”
The purpose of the photographs is to give Black and Native women a feeling of belonging and comfort, and to be a steady, even-handed reminder to providers that Black and Native women are just as loving and bonded to their babies as anyone else. I feel so deeply proud of this series, and I always love adding to it.
So it’s not that nobody knows about this series, or that no one sees it. Hopefully tons of people do. But it’s something I am no longer part of. The photographs exist in the private spaces where women are cared for. And that’s just the way I want it.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Alyssa Kapnik Samuel, and I’m a veteran photographer specializing in moms bonding with their babies, and families in beautiful places. I absolutely love capturing intimate moments between people who love each other. It’s one of the most beautiful experiences to get to watch a mom holding her baby so gently, so playfully, so lovingly. I try to provide a space for these moms to feel present and calm with their little ones, so that they can bask in their connection. Just be in this moment, with this child. Women have told me that they feel even more bonded to their babies after the session with me. That it’s a way for them to step outside of the busy routine and really focus on their relationship.
Okay, so here’s a deep one: What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
I’m sure this is not the only answer I could give to this question, but my relationship with my children, and my relationship to my births has had a profound impact on how I see myself. Giving birth was one of the hardest, most complex experiences of my life. It kind of broke down my sense of who I was. My first birth lasted 27 hours, and it was my first major experience of medical gaslighting. My midwife told me, as I struggled to figure out how to get through those last few hours, with annoyance in her voice, “The baby is doing its job, but you’re not doing yours.”
In that moment, I wasn’t able to object to her words. I didn’t have the strength or confidence to tell her to leave. I didn’t trust myself enough to know that I was doing everything I could. I didn’t trust my body enough to realize that I was doing “my job”. My husband was sitting behind me cheering me on, but I lost my inner compass. I got through that birth, but the experience was horrific. Healing from it physically and emotionally took literal years. I wasn’t able to be myself or be a part of the world for months after the birth. And I questioned myself as a mom for years after. Was I doing my job? Was I working hard enough for my kid?
It took being a part of a community of women to start to heal myself. I heard an expert talk about how postpartum symptoms can last for seven years after a birth. I finally let myself have that. I let myself consider that I had been depressed after my birth, for a long time, and that I needed help.
I love working with women who have also been through birth. I love hearing their stories, and being present with them in that emotional soup. It’s so complex and sometimes confusing to give birth. It can be empowering and disempowering at the same time because we are not in control of the outcome. We’re not even entirely in control of the process. It’s such an act of letting go. But it’s a space I’ve come to find so incredibly beautiful and meaningful, and I feel lucky that I get to help women see themselves through the process.
I’ve now had a second birth, and it was a life-changing event all over again. But this time it was something that I felt the power to curate. I was steering the ship, and I hand-picked all of my crew-mates. It was one of the most amazing mental shifts I could imagine.
When did you last change your mind about something important?
One of the things I’ve gifted myself in recent years is the right to say no. As a young woman, and even as a girl, I got a lot of positive reinforcement from adults — women and men — that being skinny, quiet, and pretty were my best features. Some of it was said out loud, and some of it not. And undoing all of that learning is taking a lot of work. But knowing what I know now — that the system that was set up by men to have women look a certain way by buying certain products, certain clothes — I am doing my best to really be thoughtful about every choice I make. Even wearing sunscreen was kind of a big switch for me, because as a child and teen, I was praised for my tan. But as an adult, I realize that wearing sunscreen is a health choice. Taking care of my body is an act of resistance. Eating food that I want is an act of resistance. Eating to fill myself up is an act of resistance. Saying no to things that make me uncomfortable or feel unsafe is an act of resistance.
A big part of my work is centered around showing women as they are. Not just to random viewers. But to those very women I’m photographing. Because when women are really being themselves, when they are relaxed and happy, snuggling with their children, they are absolutely radiant. It’s a gift to me to see women relax into their bodies, let go of the aesthetics, even a little bit, and be present in their love for themselves, and for their family.
Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. What’s a belief or project you’re committed to, no matter how long it takes?
I’m committed to using my skills and my talents toward making the world a better, more equitable, more peaceful place. I want that to be plain in the work that I do in my community, and in my photographic works as well. Sometimes that means using my camera to make someone visible who felt invisible before. Sometimes it’s using a sliding scale for payment, or no payment. Sometimes it’s in recognizing that there’s a hole in the photography world: representation of different folks is off-kilter. Art itself may not be the singular thing to change a patriarchal, racist system, but we can sure try to use art to make a shift. To change how people view themselves or others, even on a small scale.
Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. What are you doing today that won’t pay off for 7–10 years?
Every photograph I take I consider a little time capsule. I really believe that these pictures have a way of transporting us into our past selves, our past experiences. A great photograph can not only tell you how something looked during that time, but it can also remind you of how it smelled, and what it felt like to touch and feel and listen at that time. I’m hopeful that the work I’m doing is a little time portal for each of my clients. Remember her soft, plump little arms? What her hair felt like against my chin? Remember those sweet little toes, and how I held them between my thumb and middle finger? Remember how she laughed so easily? And snuggled so readily?
This is all in line with parenting. Everything about parenting can feel fleeting. The longest shortest time. By design, all of these activities and jobs with our kids end. We’re only in this phase for a limited time. We hope that what we’re doing today will show up in a positive way in 10 years. When our kids are doing most of these things for themselves. Giving themselves reinforcement for their hard work. Getting their own confidence up to walk up to a new friend at school, or walk home alone after school. Parenting is a waiting game. We put in the time, hoping that the seeds will grow.
And the photographs I make are a memento of where we were with our children. Almost instantly they fall into being a historical document. Because our lives are always changing. Always evolving. I’m working on both creating the time portals, and trying to be in the moment. In the present with my own kids. That’s not easy. But I’m doing my best.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://alyssakapnik.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alyssakapnikportraiture/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alyssakapnikportraiture
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/alyssa-kapnik-portraiture-denver
Image Credits
Alyssa Kapnik Samuel
