Conversations with Amy Walker

Today we’d like to introduce you to Amy Walker.

Hi Amy, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstories.
On April 13, 2016, I lost my life to alcohol. The last thing I remember is a doctor with genuine concern in his eyes, saying, “You’re going to die, who do I call?” I handed him my phone, asked him to tell my husband and children that I loved them, and went unconscious. Three days later I awoke from a medically-induced detox coma.

I had suffered a traumatic brain injury. “65 minutes of aggressive resuscitation” it would read in my reports. I could not speak and was paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors explained that I had stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I needed a liver transplant asap or I wouldn’t survive three months. That was nearly seven years ago. By the grace of God and my hard work and determination, I have been able to stabilize my liver.

Now came the hard part – I had to stay sober or I was going to die. I grew up a shy kid and was often bullied. I was a high achiever – honor roll, drill team president, and college scholarship recipient – but I wanted to be “cool.” So, after high school, I discovered alcohol. It made me cool, popular, and fun and I became a bartender where I was introduced to hard drugs.

One night, a Major League Baseball player gave me a handful of ecstasy pills after I served his team. I was invited to their penthouse suite with my friends. We had arrived! This night was followed by three months of drug-induced, alcoholic blackouts. At 21 I married my first husband, got pregnant, and seized all substance use. I remained substance-free throughout the marriage. But we grew apart, he became verbally abusive and I was contemplating suicide. Our divorce was catastrophic.

Although we agreed on joint custody of our two very young children, I took what was supposed to be a three-month sabbatical to Colorado to clear my head, and my ex took my children. I didn’t have the money to fight him in court, nor did I know of any resources for women like me. So I drank. In 2007 I remarried and had a stable new home life but my alcoholism spiraled for many years.

I allowed myself to be in situations that were dangerous and unhealthy for my mental health. I went back to the only job that I knew would bring me happiness, bartending. For nearly 15 years, I had to give up all contact with my oldest two children. Without the means or the self-worth to fight, I drank My addiction got so bad that when my youngest son had to have open-heart surgery in 2014, I had bottles of wine stashed in his hospital room.

I couldn’t go more than about three hours without a drink or I would get violently ill. Drinking wasn’t fun anymore. It was a chore and it was killing me. I didn’t know how to stop. I wanted to go to treatment, but I was afraid of losing my youngest three children. I was more willing to die drinking than I was to willingly give up my babies after I had already lost so much.

So with this life-threatening event in 2016, I hit what I would call my bottom. When I got out of the hospital, I tried AA, but it just wasn’t for me. There was nothing else offered for recovery in my rural area so I found comfort in my church and my family. I white-knuckled it for about five years and was still feeling lost, shameful, resentful, and stuck. I was the very definition of a “dry drunk.”

One day my fate, I saw a Facebook posting for an overdose awareness event that was going to be held in my little town’s park. I went, and that night changed my life because HardBeauty came into my life. I met a group of humans – in recovery – who were happy, loving, and supportive. I joined some of their online groups, and by forming connections with others who were walking the same path as me, I was liberated. I no longer had to live in shame or regret. I began to truly recover and heal.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Recovery is never a smooth road without challenges. And my journey will continue for the rest of my life. As my story illustrates, I have had many struggles. I still struggle with chronic pain and will be offering a support group through HardBeauty for those who suffer.

One of the biggest struggles I had was when I knew I needed to get sober and I didn’t know what resources were available to me. With the stigma still out there against addiction, these resources are not publicized or readily available. I floundered until I discovered HardBeauty. Now I hope to spread the word about HardBeauty to other people who don’t know where to turn.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
When I discovered HardBeauty, I knew I wanted to work for them. So I went through Recovery Coach training with CCAR and became a HardBeauty coach. I’ve been working for them for 8 months, and I’m very proud of this achievement. I hadn’t been working for several years due to my trauma, pain, and addiction.

Being able to accomplish this and helping other people through their journey has been life-changing for me and inspirational. I will continue to build on my skills and educate myself. I now consider myself a lifelong learner, and I will grow and thrive as a sober person in the recovery world.

What do you think about happiness?
Sharing my recovery with others. Being able to be present in my life and with my kids. I love Fiber Arts. It’s a passion I developed in sobriety, and now I lead Fiber Arts groups. These groups are a place where people in recovery can do Fiber arts together while they share and get to know each other.

I enjoy doing things sober that I wouldn’t have done before and sharing them with other people in recovery. I love coaching because it allows me to share what I have learned with someone who is struggling, and assist them in paving their way to sobriety. In recovery, I can honestly say that life makes me happy.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.hardbeauty.life
• Other: https://linktr.ee/mombie_amy

Image Credits
Angela Giles Klocke and Allie Wllis