Conversations with Rachael Mamigonian

Today we’d like to introduce you to Rachael Mamigonian.

Hi Rachael, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstories.
You hear stories of tragedy and never think that it’s going to be you. Nobody expects to live out their worst nightmare until they wake up one day and life changes forever. There’s always the assumption that someone else will be the statistic. But here we are; 1 in 10,000 infants born with neonatal hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), 1 in 8 couples with secondary infertility, and 1 in 4 miscarriages.

I look back on my old self and the naivety that I had in August of 2020 when my husband Gabe and I decided to start a family. We had absolutely no inkling of the challenges that we would face in having children. We had picked out the name Emsley several months before I was even pregnant. In January 2021, we found out that we were expecting a little girl. “Emmy Lou” quickly became her nickname. I loved being pregnant. I was extremely low-risk and healthy. We had the picture-perfect nursery complete with all of the tiny clothes hanging in the closet.

At 33 weeks, I noticed that she stopped moving. On August 9, 2021, we went into the Emergency Room. We always had a feeling that Emmy was going to arrive early but little did we know, this was going to be her birthday. I failed the Non-Stress Test and the on-call OB rushed me to the hospital. The Biophysical Profile scored only a 2 out of 10 and confirmed that she wasn’t moving. “A log in the water”, I vividly remember the ultrasound tech saying.

Maternal Fetal Medicine advised immediate delivery to give her the best possible chance at life. I had an emergency C-Section and cried when they didn’t hold her up. Something was very wrong. There were so many doctors and nurses in the room and none of them knew what had happened. It was clear that there were neurological complications. She was breathing and her heart was beating, but that was it. She was otherwise completely still.

The midwife kneeled next to us and told us that flight for life was on its way. We spent several days in the NICU hoping that she would miraculously start moving. My milk came in and I pumped, slowly accepting the fact that I may not be able to breastfeed. Our nurse Brooke was a God-send and we became instant friends. She told us that she was getting married and hoped to have a marriage like ours. The entire medical staff admired our strength and told us how much they cared. We felt so much love in our darkest days.

On August 11, one of the top neurologists in Colorado confirmed our fears. Our daughter wasn’t going to make it. She had suffered a lack of oxygen which caused significant brain damage. Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy. There would never be a quality of life for Emsley. We made the gut-wrenching decision to remove life support. The family gathered around and we mourned the greatest loss we would ever know. It was just the three of us in the last few hours of her life.

We bathed her and wrapped her in the swaddle that I had picked out weeks before. We held her tight and memorized the feeling to remember forever. We read to her and listened to music, hoping she could feel the immense amount of love we had. This was our family now. Mom, dad, and an angel baby. Shortly after 2:00 in the morning on August 12, she took her last breath.

We will never forget the moment that we saw her cross over to Heaven. I donated 250 ounces of breastmilk to Mother’s Milk Bank. It brought me comfort knowing that we were helping other NICU babies across the country. We got tattoos for her and we wear her tiny fingerprint on necklaces. We do everything we can to honor her. Sharing her story has become our purpose.

We were hopeful that we could get pregnant again quickly but were deeply humbled by the experience of secondary infertility. It took a year of trying before we decided to be seen by a fertility specialist. 15 months after losing Emsley, we found out that our rainbow baby will be here in July 2023. We find so much peace in knowing that our guardian Angel hand-picked a sibling for us.

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Living day-to-day with life-altering grief has been the greatest challenge that I have ever faced. Of course, we have found happiness again, especially being pregnant with our rainbow baby, but there is a deep sadness that will never completely dissipate. There isn’t a day that goes by we aren’t reminded in some way of our first child who isn’t here with us.

One of the hardest things about profound loss is the isolation that accompanies it. Society is so uncomfortable with grief. Many people don’t know what to say and although it is understandable, I believe that there is room for growth. I make it a point to advocate for loss and infertility because I know that I am reaching those who may not feel that they have a voice.

The statistics are staggering and not talked about enough. We believe that part of Emmy’s purpose in her short time on Earth was to give us a profound understanding of life and death that we could use to help others. I always say that we learned more in the 3 days with her than we ever would have known in a lifetime without her.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I have been in education for over 10 years. I was a classroom teacher for Pre-K, Kindergarten, and First Grade. I am currently a reading specialist, tutoring children with Dyslexia. I have always loved children and I know that they will always be part of my work in some way or another.

After my personal experiences over the last two years, I feel my heart being pulled in another direction. I have no plans to leave my current job any time soon, but I wouldn’t be surprised if in the long term I end up in a different type of advocacy role for children and families. I have always felt that I would be an author and would love to share our story on a larger scale.

Can you talk to us a bit about the role of luck?
If I have learned anything about luck, it is that at some point along the road you will be dealt the short end of the stick. These are the defining moments in life that shape who you have the potential to become. If you find the grit and strength to learn the lessons that you are given, perspective can make all the difference in the world. Gratitude stems from weathering the storms until you finally have the opportunity to admire the rainbow.

It may feel like the clouds will never clear, but they will. Hug the ones you love and never take a single moment for granted. You never know when everything could change on a dime. At first, I resented the new life that I was forced into. I didn’t know how I would survive being a mom without her baby. It wasn’t until I embraced the change and chose joy again that everything seemed to take a turn for the better.

Contact Info:

• Website: rachmamo.blog
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachmamo/