We recently had the chance to connect with Kim (Nick) Gutierrez and have shared our conversation below.
Good morning Kim (Nick), we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
Being myself again. Maybe that is a cliché answer, but I think I have been able to find genuine joy in being myself. Not too long ago, I was in a relationship that put me in a position where I felt that I could not be my full, authentic self. I felt that I had to change aspects of my personality to please that person and their family. I felt as if I could not seek out the things that brought me joy or enjoy my interests because that person saw them as “cringe” or inappropriate. Even going to a concert was an endeavor, never mind participating in events that held significant meaning to me, like art markets and gallery exhibitions I was invited to participate in. It wasn’t until I cut that person out of my life permanently that I felt safe enough to start being myself again. I found people who love and appreciate me for who I am and who are always inviting me to hit the town with them. I have been invited to be in more art shows and markets by peers who are actively interested in my craft and how I express myself through it. I have been able to find a job where I feel respected and valued by my coworkers. I have been able to revisit all sorts of things that bring me joy, like music, film, concerts, video games, and even the way I dress. I hope that isn’t too much, but I am really happy that I am learning to love myself and find ways to improve so I can become the person I want to be. I am also happy that I have people in my life who want the same things for me.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I currently work as a digital print production operator at a local print shop and also work as a visual artist and designer on the side. My art is a way for me to communicate with others. Whether it is through refined design projects or a niche art series, my work is how I share my experiences, process significant/traumatic events, and reflect on my ruminations. Through my art, I like to explore topics such as time, light, space, existentialism, religion, depression, my Latinx identity, and loneliness. I like to hope that this is a way for me to not only express myself and navigate my experiences, but also serves as a way to create dialogue with others who view my art. I hope that my art is able to spark conversations or help another person realize that they are not alone in their experiences. Sometimes people look at my art and interpret it in a way that is the complete opposite of what I had initially intended, which I think is great since it provides me with a new perspective on my work.
I am currently a member of CHANT Cooperative and have had my work exhibited at the O’Sullivan Gallery, Dayton Memorial Library, the Fort Collins Museum of Art, Convivio Cafe, Kashi Kari, Temple Studios, and Bell Projects.
Okay, so here’s a deep one: What part of you has served its purpose and must now be released?
The part of me that has prevented me from taking risks, often because I would let things like anxiety, depression, or people-pleasing get in the way. I still struggle with these things daily; they’ve been something I’ve had to fight for as long as I can remember, and I will probably always be fighting with them. However, as I get older, it becomes more and more apparent that I can either take the risk and see what happens, or I can sit back and let someone else take it for me. My brain always goes to the worst-case scenario or says, “What’s the point? Nothing matters.” So I have had to train myself to respond with, “Exactly. If nothing matters, then it can’t hurt to see what happens. Let’s stick around just in case things get better and to see what happens. Just try it at least once.” So, I’m learning to say yes to the opportunities that are coming my way, even if they scare the hell out of me. I’m learning to be more open about what I want, even if it may not please other people. I’m learning to say yes to the late nights even when my depression and social anxiety want me to stay isolated. Likewise, I’m learning to say no to the late nights when those same things give me “fear of missing out” because I know I need time to take care of myself or work on my personal projects. It’s a balance, but I think I’m finding it little by little.
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
I think this happened when I realized I could use my art as a method of expression. I’ve talked about this a lot before, but it still surprises me that it took me so long to realize this. When I was a kid, I just knew I liked drawing and creating, but it never occurred to me that it could be used as a method of communication. It wasn’t until I was a junior/senior in high school that I started to think more critically about how I could use art to communicate with others. I started making work that went a little deeper than just being a nice portrait of someone. I wanted to make work that was abstract, detailed, and made people ask questions about what they were looking at. I got a little better at this during my time as an art student in college, where I started tackling more complex topics and using my art as a way to cope with my home and work life, which weren’t great at the time. Since graduating, I’ve started using my art as a way to work through those experiences and share them with others. It’s been therapeutic. Sometimes people see my art and see themselves in it, or they see someone who has been through a similar situation and understands them. It’s incredible to think that my art can do that, but I think that it’s also very powerful. It’s also a way for me to take back control in moments where I felt like I had none, or find hope in moments where I felt hopeless.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What’s a belief or project you’re committed to, no matter how long it takes?
I’ve had an idea for a long-running portrait series for the past four or five years and have yet to make any progress with it. Maybe this interview will help me get the ball rolling. The idea is that I take scenes from films that I think represent loneliness and create portraits of those moments. I have had multiple periods of my life where I have felt immensely lonely, sometimes for no particular reason, and it’s been interesting seeing how that type of loneliness is portrayed in film and how the characters deal with their loneliness. Sometimes they react to it, kind of like Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, where he becomes isolated and hateful to the world around him after being rejected by a woman who he thought was the only good thing in the world. Other times, they respond to it. I want to say Amélie may be an okay example as she spends her time finding happiness for others, and it leads her to finding her own. I have a list of about 100 movies that I want to watch and find scenes that I can recreate and eventually display them altogether. So far, I have watched the likes of Leaving Las Vegas, The Wall, Punch Drunk Love, Fight Club, May, among others. Pretty basic, but the list does have 100 movies on it, and they will likely change over time as I find some that depict loneliness in a way that scratches this very specific itch in my brain. I likely won’t complete this project for several more years, but as long as I am able to complete it, I’ll be happy.
Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: When do you feel most at peace?
I think I feel most at peace when I have time to sketch. My sketchbooks aren’t usually filled with many deep ideas or project blueprints. I tend to jot those down on random pieces of paper that eventually get thrown away or lost in my apartment. My sketchbooks are filled with images of whatever is rotting my brain at that given moment, or whatever is bringing me joy. More often than not, these are just characters from media I like, creatives that inspire me, or my friends. Hopefully that isn’t creepy, but I really do love sketching my friends! It’s how I show my love for them, I guess. I should really make time to sketch more often.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://bloodgulchblue.wixsite.com/midnightscreeningart
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/midnightscreeningart
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-gutierrez-76396a98
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/midnightscreeningart
- Other: https://www.redbubble.com/people/mnscrart/shop
Image Credits
Kim (Nick) Gutierrez
