Life & Work with Alex Baldassare of Arvada

Today we’d like to introduce you to Alex Baldassare.

Hi Alex, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I’m from the east coast of central Florida and I had what would consider to be a normal childhood. By that I mean that I grew up in a broken home and experienced trauma. I think those things are a lot more common than we like to admit as a society. I am wicked smart and I also got the typical affirmations that young women get about my physical appearance. External validation made me feel good about myself and I thought if I had enough of it—attentions, accolades, affections—then I wouldn’t feel so bad on the inside anymore. I graduated high school at 16 with an AA degree from a local community college. My behaviors were getting more and more antisocial along the way, I was manipulative and selfish and dishonest. Those behaviors made me feel worse about myself so I kept pouring external things on top to try to bandage my self-esteem. Eventually I started smoking weed and drinking and I remember feeling like I finally found the missing puzzle piece that made everything fit together. When I look back now it’s obvious that I developed a substance use disorder pretty much immediately once I started using substances. I chose my college because I knew it was a party school, not because of the beautiful campus or the excellence in academics (Sko Buffs!). I barely graduated, I didn’t build any lasting relationships while I was there, and then I floundered trying to find my way in “the real world” for a few years. My substance use and relationship conduct got worse and worse and by 24 I was stripping at Deja Vu in Colorado Springs. I saw a psychiatrist who told me that if I didn’t get my act together I would would kill myself before I turned 40. And I was feeling more and more shame about how I was treating people and how I was allowing others to treat me. I decided to go to an inpatient treatment center where I continued to hurt people even though I was sober. I went door to door to an outpatient program with sober living and that’s when things started to turn around. There were people who worked there who used to drink and do drugs like I did and now they were leading productive lives. They had friends, and they seemed to like themselves, and I wanted what they had. They told me that they made peace with their past and started practicing a new way of life by working the 12 steps, so I decided to do that too. My life has changed drastically since I made that choice, because I’ve followed it up with humble surrender and practical action on a regular basis. I haven’t had a drink or a drug in over 6 years. Today I have everything I’ve ever wanted in life, and so much more. I have a healthy marriage and two beautiful children. I get off work every day with enough energy and joy to cook a healthy meal and dance with my son in the kitchen or the house that we bought. I’m currently riding shotgun on the way to go camping for the weekend in New Mexico. I spend much of my time trying to help others recover from addiction. Watching those lightbulb moments is the greatest joy of my life, but even when it doesn’t happen the effort I put forth keeps me sober. It’s important that I do that to be able to keep the life I’ve built.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Recovery is not a straight line. I have made huge strides but when my fear outgrows my faith I take my will back from my higher power and cause harm to people. When I cause harm I feel dissonance and shame and that’s incredibly uncomfortable, but I have choices today. I can choose to run away and seek comfort and distraction through external things, or I can choose to seek comfort in God by facing myself and connecting with my community. I also need comfort when things happen that are outside of my control. The thing about staying sober is that you meet a lot of wonderful people who don’t. We’re all aware that fentanyl is killing people, but I’m probably a little more aware than most. I’ve lost dear friends, mentors, sponsees and clients who I poured myself into. It’s a discouraging, painful reality. It’s also a reminder that I need to keep working on my recovery every day. My quality of life today is directly proportional to the quality of my spiritual connection to a power greater than myself.

As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I remember when I first went to treatment and they asked me about hobbies but I hadn’t done anything fun in so long. We tell ourselves that the drinking and drugging is fun, we call it “partying” but the truth is I was a slave to the phenomenon of craving. Today I’m in touch with who I am and what I’ve discovered is this sort of Swiss army knife of a person who can do anything I set my mind to. I’m known for this sort of ruthless pursuit of excellence. I like to hand sew these streetwear inspired designs on denim jackets and auction them off for charity. I love to bake and decorate cakes. I serve on boards and committees where we use Robert’s Rules of Order and sometimes spend hours hashing out minor details of motions. The things most enjoy in life are meticulous and procedural. I’m a Certified Peer and Family Specialist and I spent years working directly with clients seeking peer support but the job I have now is administrative back office stuff that not a lot of people enjoy. It’s tedious and detail oriented and I’m really good at it. I think of it like gardening, any time I want to cut a corner I’m like “Ope you can pull that weed now or later.” In that way it’s almost spiritual. Spirituality is rarely retreats and revelations—it’s the boring, humble work of cleaning up minor defects as I notice them.

How do you think about happiness?
Watching my son grow up is the coolest thing in the world because his behavior is validation of the work that I’ve done. He’s 2 years old and we’re teaching him to name his feelings. We take deep belly breaths to calm our bodies down together. One time I was splashing him in the bath and he said “please stop I don’t like that.” I got emotional seeing him practice the skills that I so desperately needed when I was growing up.