Meet Kathryn James

Today, we’d like to introduce you to Kathryn James. Kathryn was introduced to us by the brilliant and talented Becka Payne.

Kathryn, can you walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today? I am a third-grade teacher, and I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We met about 10 years ago through mutual friends in college and welcomed our beautiful daughter, Lottie, in August 2022. I am someone who finds comfort in knowledge and books, so I have always read and studied up on before entering any new experience, and motherhood was no different. I read pregnancy books, newborn books, parenting books, and of course, books on sleeping. Becoming a mother is not something that can be taught or learned through books, however. So much of it is following your instincts and asking for help from experts when necessary.

Let’s talk about your work and career – what else should we know?
I teach 3rd grade at a charter school in Fort Collins, CO. I will be entering my 7th year at my school in the fall of 2023, and I love working with my students. Becoming a teacher was not something that I ever imagined myself doing. I actually went to school to study theatre and business and was constantly told by others that I should be a teacher. After failing to find passion and joy in my studies, I finally decided to listen to suggestions from others and took some elementary education courses at CSU and eventually got my master’s degree and teaching license from UNC. Taking care of students’ whole selves, mind, body, and soul, is my favorite part about teaching. While in school, I saw a TED Talk about building connections with students, and the woman stated that “kids don’t learn from people they don’t like,” and that really stuck with me. I’ve learned that understanding a child’s favorites and fears can help them become better mathematicians, writers, and scientists.

Becka Payne has been a great friend to us, and I know you’ve got a great relationship as well. Maybe you can tell our audience a bit about Becka and your experience with her.
Because I had read what felt like ALL the books and had a background in working with children, I thought that some aspects of motherhood would come easier to me than perhaps they do for others. What a silly way of thinking in hindsight, but my little babe soon showed me that I was overly confident! My daughter exclusively contact-slept for the first 8 weeks of her life. She napped in my arms while I sat pinned down on the couch, and she slept on my chest while I lay statue-still. Eventually, she did sleep in her bassinet at night because I never gave up on trying to put her in there before giving in and letting her sleep on me.

Naps were still contact naps exclusively until she started daycare around 10 weeks old. At daycare, Lottie would nap in maybe 10-15 minute increments and be so exhausted by the time we got there to pick her up. I returned to work from maternity leave after 13 weeks, and I was so sad to lose even more time with my baby because she would sleep (in my arms) from the time we picked her up from daycare until it was bedtime. We tried to transition her to crib naps around 4 or 5 months on the weekends, hoping that it would help her nap at daycare and she should nap for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time.

At night, she slept in her bassinet and woke 2-3 times a night up until 4 months old. At that time, we moved her to her crib, which was a fine transition, but our doctor was concerned about her small size at her 4-month appointment and compelled us to put her back on a newborn feeding schedule during the day, giving her milk about every 2 hours. This taught our baby to snack instead of eat her fill, and combined with the dreaded 4-month sleep regression, meant that she was waking more like 4-5 times a night.

I tried to follow a program that I learned about through one of my books around 6 months, which was the recommended age from that book to start sleep training. We had also switched doctors, and the new doctor got us off the 2-hour feeding schedule and wanted Lottie sleeping longer stretches at night. We gave it a go for about 2 weeks on our own of putting Lottie down “drowsy but awake” while reducing night feedings, and it was a nightmare. It resulted in either me or my husband camping out and sleeping (or not sleeping) on the floor of her room every night to pat her back and constantly replace her pacifier as it fell out. We were determined to go to the classic “cry it out,” but when the night came for us to start, we just couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel good to just let her cry and not respond. I reached out to our doula for advice and support, and she directed us to Becka.

I was immediately sold on hiring Becka, but my husband was a little more hesitant. We didn’t even know there was such a thing as a sleep consultant, and so many of our friends and family had successfully parented without one – were we just not strong or patient enough? I didn’t care about showing strength and patience, I wanted sleep! Plus, I don’t think there’s any shame in asking for help and seeking support from experts. Becka was such an incredible choice for us, and we both agree that we would hire her a million times over, and we don’t know how anyone parents without someone like Becka!

Working with Becka was a dream. We felt totally comfortable being honest with her about our insecurities and struggles and asking questions if we didn’t understand. Our daughter loves her pacifier, and when Becka suggested putting her down to sleep without it, we were nervous! She talked us through the rationale and even said we could keep it if it felt right to us, but the sacrifice would be some independence in Lottie’s sleep skills. We trusted her, and she was so right. We went from not sleeping on Lottie’s floor with 5-6 wake-ups and a significant amount of crying time to a baby who slept through the night in three days. Becka stuck with us as we figured out her tricky nap struggles and promised not to end our program until everything was just where we wanted it. She guided us through a very challenging daycare situation and quickly transitioned from consultant to confidant to friend.

We are now about 5 months out from working with Becka, and our daughter sleeps better than any other baby we know. Not only does this mean that we sleep great, but it means we get so much more time with our baby than we otherwise would! Her waking hours are attentive, joyful, and meaningful. We can push her in the stroller and go to the park without fear of her falling asleep. I can count on playtime after work because I know that she will be well-rested from her daytime sleep. I also get as much sleep as I want and need while my baby sleeps for 10-12 hours straight every night. This makes me a better mom because I am so much healthier and more confident than I was before working with Becka. She managed to build me up and listen without ever shaming me. We are so grateful for all that she’s done for our family!

Instagram: @kathryn_n_james

Image Credits
Peach Street Photo Company