Life and Work with Kristin Dillensnyder

Today we’d like to introduce you to Kristin Dillensnyder.

Kristin, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
I often think my story isn’t that unique. I laugh. I cry. I have a good family, good friends, and a great marriage. I chase my dreams and my beautiful daughter who is the light of my life.

But if I was being honest, I’d share that It hasn’t always been this way. There have been times when there have been more tears than laughter. There were moments when even my best friends couldn’t understand what I was going through. My usual bubbly, fun, easy personality was nowhere to be found and it hurt to be around even the people I love the most.

As a big sister, I have always done things first. My two younger sisters followed my footsteps, but I was always able to provide the wisdom of experience to them, nurturing them and supporting them as they went through moments I had already lived. I love being a big sister as it speaks to my empathetic loving nature. When my two sisters both started their families and my husband and I were still struggling to conceive, it was hard. Harder than anything I had ever done before. I struggled to know where to turn and what to do to survive the roller coaster ride of emotions that accompanies fertility treatments.

We did four IUI’s with our OBGYN with no luck. Then, we upgraded to a reproductive endocrinologist and did a round of IVF with a fresh transfer that did not work. For our second round of IVF, we changed things up and did a frozen transfer (after genetic testing due to my age) and I’m happy to say that genetically good embryo is a walking, talking almost 2-year-old!

When we finally welcomed our baby girl, it felt like all my dreams came true. She was perfect and life was amazing… and so I wanted more of it. Our sibling quest began with a third IVF round as we had always hoped for a bigger family. Unfortunately, when our last cycle ended in a miscarriage, we knew it wasn’t meant to be for us and had to learn to be okay with that.

I decided to become what I needed in the hardest parts of the infertility journey. To take all of that experience and pain and loneliness and turn it into a positive and to embrace who I am. So, when I’m not blowing bubbles or going on walks with my little IVF miracle, you can find me encouraging, supporting, inspiring and walking alongside women who are going through infertility to grow their families.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Heck no! But is any journey?! Here is just a sample of some of the struggles above and beyond the IUI or IVF transfers not working:
-Shipping sperm. Yup, it’s a thing. And it’s stressful enough because it’s shipped in a frozen tank that will stay frozen for 48 hours. My cycle was timed by the hormones prescribed by the doctor and it was all scheduled down to the hour. This meant the sperm must arrive by a certain time of day. Any delay in shipping not only meant the swimmers might miss the meet, but it also meant the sperm might thaw prematurely and therefore either outcome would cancel that cycle. Throw in a hurricane in the state where the sperm is being shipped from and receiving notifications that the shipments are delayed and I swear I lost a few years of my life from all that stress.
-Insurance. Finding out our insurance didn’t cover any infertility treatments was tough, and lucky for us did not stop us from moving forward. Others are not as fortunate, but that’s a bigger discussion for another day.
-Work life balance. Attempting to balance a demanding job yet needing it to be flexible for multiple doctors appointments was challenging. Our doctor was about 2 hours away so I would wake up at 4 am, to get on the road by 4:30 to arrive at 6:30 for the first available appointment to turn right around and show up at work at 10. I would then stay late or work through lunch to make up the hours. I would also need to perform as if the dream to become a mother wasn’t balancing on a tightrope.
-Bad Results. The day I found out the first IVF cycle did not work, I also got a call that my test for skin cancer came back positive and needed to get mohs done on the top of my head. Needless to say, it was a very bad day and I wished the results of those tests had been switched.
-Traveling with meds. Having to give myself intramuscular shots at a specific time of day meant bringing the meds, the needles, the antiseptic wipes, and the sharps container in a cooler to restaurant bathrooms, or friends houses, or the office, or my favorite – the back of an ambulance at a college football game.
-Canceled Cycle. At each stage of the IVF retrieval and transfer, there are multiple monitoring appointments. These appointments allow the doctors to see how my body is responding to the meds and adjust dosages or dates accordingly. One time, when I was going in for what I thought was my final monitoring appointment to receive the official transfer date, I found out I would be canceling that cycle (and throwing away the cost of those meds) due to needing surgery to remove polyps.
-The Questions. Handling the constant question of when will you start a family when it was ALL I wanted became almost impossible to answer without crying due to the pressure for it to work as well as the side effects of all the hormones. My husband and I decided to say it all made me hormotional!

As for advice, here are my three tips:
1) Get tested early. Don’t wait until you’re ready to have kids to see if you have any infertility issues that can be treated right now. It’s an easy blood test and ultrasound test that can get the most common issues diagnosed or ruled out (and hubby should get a sperm analysis too). With the knowledge gained from your tests, you can make the best decision for your circumstance. Not everyone needs to go ahead and freeze their eggs – which I think my younger self was always afraid of. The test results can help you be more successful when you are ready.
2) Not alone. One in eight couples suffer from infertility and one in four women suffer from miscarriages. You WILL know someone who is impacted by infertility if it’s not you. There are thousands of women in Facebook groups (come find mine: Coaching with KD) or with blogs or on Instagram. (@TTC_Kiki)
3) Support looks different for everyone. We all require different levels of support while going through hard times-and no option is wrong, it’s all about personal preference. Some just want a hug, others will want to share every little detail of their journey. Some women will seek to add a nutritionist or acupuncturist to their team. And some women will need more help with their emotions and their heart and an infertility coach can help. ALL of them will not want your advice. So, just be kind and promise me you will not ask a woman when she will have kids.

Please tell us about Big Sis Says.
I am your big sister who has lived the heartache of infertility and survived..and that pain wasn’t for nothing. My mission is to inspire, to care, to support, and to be there when you feel like no one gets it. Because I get it.

I’ve designed a Two Week Wait Challenge program that is all about bringing inspiration and the infinite value of experiencing 7 Two Week Waits myself to the most difficult 14 days following the embryo transfer. I started a Facebook community that embraces women at whatever point in their infertility and IVF journey they may be, and I use that platform and my Instagram account to provide support, advice, and love.

I offer 1:1 coaching to women to help them feel emotionally supported, to take back some control, to prepare themselves for the bumps ahead, and to feel like their big sister is there to hold their hand no matter what the outcome.

There are countless women out there who have battled infertility. Some have won. Some have not. Because of what I do, none of them have to go through it alone. And compared to my journey, that’s different.

Often it feels as if the media, by and large, is only focused on the obstacles faced by women, but we feel it’s important to also look for the opportunities. In your view, are there opportunities that you see that women are particularly well positioned for?
Absolutely! As each woman shares her story, she is not only educating others but is also paving the way for a woman behind her. I am a mother today because there were couples and doctors over 40 years ago who were willing to try this thing called assisted reproductive technology. In fact, the first baby born by IVF turned 40 this year, and I wish I could thank her parents and doctors (and the ones before her cycle) to thank them.

The advancements of IVF alone have improved over the years and will continue to do so.

The options for women who struggle to conceive is more than adoption. Whether infertility impacts you directly or not, educate yourself. There is genetic testing that can be done which minimizes the chances of miscarriages. Adoption of eggs, sperm, and embryos is on the table in addition to gestational carriers and surrogates. As long as women and the medical community (including reproductive endocrinologists and embryologists) continue to push for more advancements, hopefully, the awareness, the funding, the access, the insurance coverage and the cost of infertility will all improve.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.BigSisSays.com
• Email: hello@bigsissays.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ttc_kiki/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachingwithKD

Image Credit:
Summer Jackman (https://www.summerjackmanphotography.com/) for the family photo of the three of us under the moss trees.
Stephen Poff for the 2 maternity photos (http://stephenpoff.com/ )
Jessica Govan from Big Leaps Photography for the photo of me in the hot pink shirt and my daughter wrapped in the blanket. (http://bigleapsphoto.blogspot.com/)
JD Dillensnyder (my hubby) for the photo of me and my daugther on the deck http://jddillensnyder.com/

Getting in touch: VoyageDenver is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.