Meet Dr. Lily Zehner

Today we’d like to introduce you to Dr. Lily Zehner.

Dr. Zehner, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
This is a multi-layered answer. The evolution of how I became a sex therapist was essentially always in the works, it would be years before I would know or understand this.

I am the daughter of two Deaf, Cuban immigrants– I am hearing and American born. I have always straddled many communities and identities. Never quite feeling like I clearly belonged in any one of my communities.

My oldest brother is part of the LGBTQIA community. In loving him, I celebrate pride. My first prom was queer prom, first learning about dental dams and seeing safer sex barriers as part of the norm at a young age. Witnessing both the celebration of who he is while also seeing how dangerous hate can be for simply being who he is.

I was always the person people came to when they had questions about sex, identity, or otherwise “taboo” topics. They came to me because I did my best not to shame them, to affirm their humanity, and help as I could.

My own (continued) process of trauma healing within the power of my therapeutic relationship with my therapist.

As a nanny in college, I got a firsthand look of what can happen to a relationship if the children become the sole focus and connection– how it can slowly erode the eroticism and eventually the relationship altogether.

Finally, in my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, it became clear that I would not receive the training and education in human sexuality and how it intersects with relationship.

All of these layers would bring me to my doctoral training in human sexuality. It was where I would do the deep dive not only into the immense and beautiful world of human sexuality but ultimately into myself.

Today, I continue to blend all of my life experiences, education, and training to support me in my practice.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
It has not been a smooth road. At times, in the moments where I have experienced the most adversity, I would have wished it was smooth. But, in the end, even these pieces have shaped me into who I am. I have had to claw my way to this point, with both grit and some help from others.

What do I mean by clawing my way? I essentially became responsible for myself at the age of 15. With no financial or emotional support from my parents, as my peers did, was a whole other kind of obstacle. I have had to resource myself in every way– recognize who could support me, learn to let go of/move through any shame so I could advocate for myself and ask for support, and work my rump off to succeed.

I had to heal from my chaotic childhood and do this while managing life, school, and keep some semblance of well being. This is no small feat.

In my dissertation process, I faced just about every adversity I could. It was tiresome and at times, intensely defeating. I remember when I sat with my dissertation chair presenting them with a copy of my bound dissertation. They made a point to acknowledge the level of adversity I faced in my process and I thought to myself. “this has been my life”. I say this not for pity, but rather to illustrate that I have had to make a conscious choice day in and day out to fight and push past the challenges that could have absolutely kept me from getting here today.

It is in these experiences that I have developed a deep level of empathy and compassion, it is in these struggles that I have risen. I may have the education and training to do the work with my clients, but truly, it is my humanity that I find most helpful in my practice of sex therapy.

Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about what you do – what should we know?
I have a sex therapy private practice where I see adult individuals and relationships (monogamous and consensually non-monogamous configurations).

Essentially, I do therapy that sees and considers the whole person. Most therapy and counseling programs do not cover sexuality and unless the practitioner seeks their own training, they are not prepared to do this work. It is a disservice to our communities as our clients walk into our offices looking for support. Who they are sexually is a piece of who they are and to ignore this piece can be harmful.

I specialize in sex, intimacy, and relationships because all of these intersect. Whether or not clients come into my office with a specific issue regarding sex, it will inevitably become a part of the work and conversation.

I believe if you asked my clients about their relationship with me, they’d say they feel seen and understood, accepted for who they really are, supported in the ways they need. Oh, and that I say “f*#&” often, and laugh loud! (I at least hope to be known for this.)

Is there a characteristic or quality that you feel is essential to success?
As mentioned before, I believe my humanity is my most valuable asset in my practice.

Additionally, I am under no illusion that I am the expert in the room. My clients are. I am here to help guide them, to shine a light on pieces that aren’t seen, to hold up a mirror to help them understand themselves better. I may have knowledge that they do not, but they are the experts in their lives– it is a collaboration of sorts.

Because I am not the expert, I show up with a spirit of curiosity that allows us to be open to exploration and self-discovery. This is where the magic happens. When my clients can be open to shedding the pieces of themselves that were never theirs, to begin with (external messages, values, and beliefs imposed on them) and give themselves permission to listen to their internal knowing, they begin to flourish– the transformation is always incredible!

Pricing:

• $185/ 55 minute session
• A few adjusted fee slots at $140/ 55 minute session reserved for those who are in financial need.
• I am also happy to provide a superbill for partial or full reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses. Be sure to confirm these benefits prior with your insurance.

Contact Info:

• Address: 2433 W. 44th Ave.
  Denver, CO 80211
• Website: drlilyzehner.com
• Phone: 970.414.0954
• Email: lilyazehner@gmail.com

 

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