Meet RJ Handley of Values Based Recovery in Aurora

Today we’d like to introduce you to RJ Handley.

RJ, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
In sharing my story, my wish is that it inspires you to hold to the hope that no matter how much you’re suffering right now, there is a richer, fuller, more meaningful life that awaits you.

Thirteen years ago, I was where many in the Denver metro area find themselves now: addicted and isolated. COVID has imposed restrictions on people’s ability to be with others. For those struggling with addiction whether it be to drugs, alcohol, food, porn, or self-destructive patterns—those restrictions only compound the isolation they already feel. From this place of loneliness, it’s easy to seek companionship in a drink or a pill. But the shame of addiction creates a self-imposed isolation of its own. Hobbled by an overwhelming sense of unworthiness, addicts close the blinds to the outside world and become captives to their addiction. And that dark abyss was my dwelling place for years until I was touched by grace in 2007.

My first experience with alcohol was a euphoric one. My parents were enjoying a glass of sherry and, at eight-years-old, I was curious what it tasted like. To my surprise and my sister’s, they poured us each a small glass. It was a sunny, crisp fall day in Michigan, and the colorful leaves called to us to play in them. I remember vividly how warm and joyful and connected the sherry made me feel as my sister and I laughed and buried each other in leaves. Little did I know that I would chase after that euphoric rainbow for much of my life.

But it wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I rediscovered the magic of my first drink. From the shy, lonely boy I disliked, the alchemy of alcohol transformed me into the carefree, outgoing person I wanted to be. Drinking was like climbing into a superhero suit. The introverted, troubled Peter Parker became the valiant Spider-man. If only temporarily.

For the next 30 years, I would use alcohol to live in a fantasy world where my problems couldn’t touch me. The more my buried pain cried out to be heard, the more I ran from it. I became a fugitive from my pain. Little did I know that pain would find another way to be heard. And that was through debilitating physical pain. In 1993, I tore my rotator cuff on the cement stairs of my apartment building in a drunken fall. After surgery and months of tedious physical therapy, I thought, “I might have a drinking problem.” Yet, I kept drinking. Some years later, I tripped and fell onto the arm of a heavy oak chair. I had broken seven ribs, but I was so drunk that I crawled off to bed and slept. At about five in the morning, my wife awoke to my screams. As she drove me to the emergency room, I thought, “I might have a drinking problem.” Yet, I kept drinking. In another drunken fall, I broke off a front tooth. I again thought, “I might have a drinking problem.” Nine years later, I ruptured a disc in my back in yet another fall. This time the physical pain would stay with me. This time it finally got my attention.

In 2007, with my business in the dumps, with my wife threatening to leave me, and with bankruptcy looming, I stopped running and I walked through the doors of AA. There I learned that I was only as sick as my secrets. And I had many. Desperate for help, I found a sponsor. In his trusting care, I discovered the healing power that comes from finally facing pain and trauma. I discovered that sharing my pain with another transformed it. I discovered that wisdom and emotional maturity are pain’s gift. I discovered that God’s grace can take the form of a sponsor. And that incarnate grace could carry me from the dark abyss of my alcoholism to a place of wonder and awe.

Now 13 years sober, I work as an addiction specialist. My joy is to serve as a guide for my clients, leading them out of the abyss to the wonder and awe beyond addiction.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Back in 2015, I decided to go back to school to earn two certificates, one in spiritual life coaching and another in advanced life skills coaching. Since they were both online certification programs, I thought the process would be a stroll in the park. But I soon found that it rivaled the intensity of the coursework involved in earning my Master’s degree. I learned that inner work requires an even more intense person commitment than just learning theories and concepts. It involves deep change. But the knowledge and the wisdom earned through the twin-certification process were the rewards of a year and a half of struggle and hard work.

Another struggle I experienced was the challenge of marketing myself. I came to realize that I was terrible at marketing. I learned that people don’t choose coaches and counselors the same way they choose a house painter. Potential clients need to feel safe before they become willing to open themselves fully to a coach. That requires trust. And that requires more on my part than placing an ad. It requires that I get out in front of people through sites like Voyage Denver. It requires that I tell my story so that people can discover that I have earned the honor of hearing their story.

We’d love to hear more about your work.
I provide one-on-one confidential sessions that combine the best evidence-based psychological techniques with the principles behind lasting recovery so my clients can conquer their addiction in 90 days or less without the huge expense of rehab or the leave from work and home it requires. What I offer is something that few other coaches or counselors can and that’s my experience as a fellow addict. I can truly say to my clients, “I know where you are right now because I have been there myself.” Few people would take scuba lessons from an instructor who has never dived him or herself. Addiction treatment demands deep-diving into self. And people who struggle with addiction want the assurance that when they open their souls, they are doing so with someone who can truly empathize with their struggles.

For the past 13 years, I have devoted myself to studying the wisdom of many of the top names in addiction treatment. Their wisdom, along with my training and experience, is what makes me so effective at what I do. My clients succeed! 

What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?
A former client of mine was offering her yoga and meditation class in a local park because of COVID restrictions.  I was sitting on a bench, waiting for the class to begin when she walked over to me with her daughter. She said to her daughter, “I want you to meet RJ, the man who saved my life.” It’s the greatest compliment I have received and the proudest moment of my career.

Pricing:

• $99/one-hour session
• 10% discount for the purchase of a 10-session package.
• Reduced rates for those who qualify

Contact Info:

• Address: 4431 S. Andes Way
  Aurora, CO 80015
• Website: www.rjhandley.com
• Phone: Text: 720-842-1111
• Email: ValuesBasedRecovery@gmail.com

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