Today we’d like to introduce you to Kimberly Kilhoffer.
Kimberly, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
Up until three years ago, I was One. Hot. Mess.
I was addicted to alcohol, addicted to complaining, addicted to drama, addicted to self-pity, addicted to anxiety, addicted to stress, addicted to prescription meds, and on and on and on…..I was living life in a very dormant, yet dramatically anxious way. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t know how to be happy. I looked for my happiness outside of myself. If, while seeking external happiness I only found pain, I numbed it.
I knew I wasn’t living anything close to my purpose, and I was slowly starting to care less about purpose and more about just trying to survive life. And then I finally got to the point where I didn’t even care about that anymore. And when I lost my will to live, I found my rock bottom. Although looking back, I don’t see it as my rock bottom so much, as my pivot point to awakening.
That was almost three years ago. I knew I had to get sober. And I did. That was hard, but not as hard as what was coming for me. With my numbing agent off the table, I had to start FEELING. Everything. OMG…..the first six months were rough. Very, very rough. But as I continued to do the work, something started happening. I was waking up. Yet, I was still so anxious and stressed and I lived in fear and worry. As it turns out, it wasn’t enough to just stop drinking. I actually had to address some deep-rooted issues. And I did. With the help of a live-saving Life Coach, I dugout.
Still though….anxious. Worried. Fearful. Stressed……
I was told over and over again, I needed to start meditating. Ugh! Lame! Meditation is boring and what does it do, anyway????
But I tried it. A few times. Clear my head. Lose my thoughts. Go blank. Dead silence. Guided. Nature music. And I always found myself more anxious (and pissed off, quite frankly) than before I did it! Stupid. Clearly, meditation wasn’t for me.
One year into my recovery, I treated myself to a Wellness Retreat in Palm Springs. I didn’t know why I felt compelled to go to this retreat since it was like nothing I had ever considered a “vacation” before (what? no unlimited drinks and debauchery???) – but something – what I now know was the Universe speaking through my intuition – told me to go. And so I did. And I signed up for every meditation class they offered. I thought…..since I suck at this so bad, I clearly need to be taught several different ways by several different guides. Surely something will stick!!
And it did. OMG it did. That retreat was life-changing. I came back different. I came back with understanding and awareness. It was my catalyst.
I immediately starting taking workshops and classes on meditation. I was getting all kinds of certifications on guiding meditation. I decided it wasn’t the meditation itself that was so difficult, it was getting someone to help me understand it. How do it. It was me coming to understand not what meditation was, but what it wasn’t.
I was meditating everyday. And, over time, my complete perspective started shifting. I had far less stress. Less worry. Less fear. Better sleep. Less reactive, More intentional, Happy. I was starting to be happy, And that was my inside job.
For me, meditation was the essential ingredient for my recipe to life. Am I great at meditation? Nah. Am I better at life because I meditate? 100%!!!
About a year and a half ago, I decided I wanted to help people get on board the meditation train. I wanted to take all the mysticism out of it for them. I wanted to guide them in the most real, authentic, fun way I could. There is no “wrong way” to meditate. Your thoughts are welcome in meditation. You can sit or lie down in any posture you like. You can use soothing music….or not! You can meditate on scripture or on mantra. You can chant. You can do breathwork. You can use visualization; You can use imagery. You can smile. You can cry. It’s YOUR meditation. The only wrong way to do it is to not do it. Try everything! Find what you like. And do that. And if you find another style you like, do that.
I wanted to help people feel the way I felt. Happy. At peace. Less anxiety. Less fear. Less stress. More surrender. More joy. More FUN! I wanted to make meditation attainable and relatable to each and every person who tried it. I always say it’s not that serious, guys…It’s just meditation! 🙂 It’s just life-changing, spirit saving meditation.
And so Rebel Lotus Meditation was born! We’ve been going at it for a little over a year now. Helping people feel better….. one meditation at a time!
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Honestly, it has been really smooth. I think because I am so receptive to the process. I trust it. I know I am being supported and the Universe has my back. I love that I can surrender this over, manifest, do my part, work hard and meditate harder – and this will all unfold as it is supposed to!
Sound a little too gypsy, voodoo for ‘ya? Hahaha! Yeah….there was a time it would have sounded like a load of hippie nonsense to me, too. Until I was flushed with evidence of it! 🙂
The quarantine was actually a blessing for my purpose. I was hosting live meditations every single day at 12:00 MST on Facebook. And, since everyone was stuck inside, people from all over the world were popping on. Over the course of two months and close to 100 global meditations, we were able to reach countless people who might have otherwise never been turned on to it. It was the coolest thing!!!
Please tell us about Rebel Lotus Meditation.
The name Rebel Lotus:
Lotus – The lotus flower can only blossom from mud. The ultimate example of growing into something beautiful from something dark and ugly. I truly believe we can only grow out of darkness. I’m grateful for my mud. My past now serves my purpose instead of serving my shame.
Rebel – I rebel against the idea there is only one way to meditate. One kind of person who meditates. One kind of person who guides meditation. One path to enlightenment. I rebel against the idea meditation has to be lame and boring and over thought out. I rebel against the stereotype that seems to follow meditation. I rebel against anything that does not serve my highest self. And, according to my mom, I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. I have a potty mouth and lots of tattoos. And I’m a gangster meditator with a cause! 🙂
Rebel Lotus Meditation is all about that meditation! All about energy and vibrations. Awareness and seeking intention and enlightenment. But doing it all in a light-hearted, FUN way! OMG meditation and certain styles of guides can be so BORING! And there is a lot of mysticism around what meditation is and how to do it. At Rebel Lotus, we take the mysticism out, help people find their stillness, and do while cracking jokes, cussing too much and actually ENJOYING the experience.
This ain’t your mama’s meditation. And we are not monks, so we are not going to try and meditate like monks (although I did get to meditate with a Hindu Priest in Bali and that was SO BOMB!!!).
We are also all about understanding our energy. Understanding how our vibrations work. Understanding our power. Seeking intention. Seeking joy. Seeking love. Seeking happiness. Seeking surrender. Seeking harmony. Seeking peace. Seeking balance. Seeking gratitude. Seeking fun.
We are seeking our natural state. We are seeking our truest, highest selves. We understand this has to be an inside job. And we are understanding how to dig deeper than cultural conditioning, external circumstances we can’t control, deeper than the lies of fear we’ve been taught to tell ourselves, deeper than this belief we are meant to live in stress and anxiety, deeper than resentment and anger…..We are doing our very best to get our energy aligned so we can return to, and live in, our natural state of love, joy, happiness, hope, balance, fun, and peace.
Do you look back particularly fondly on any memories from childhood?
Some of my favorite memories are from the summers I used to spend at my grandparents’ house. They lived in a little town in Texas called Roby. It was a farm town and my Papa was a farmer. I remember having summers of red dirt, cows, tromping cotton, playing in the open fields, picnics under magnificent trees, laughing with my cousins, riding horses, chasing horny toads, snuggles from my grandfather, making art projects and quilt pieces with my grandmother… swimming and hanging clothes on the clothesline. Mandarin oranges right out of the can, sandboxes made from tractor tires, riding on the toolbox of my grandfather’s truck, driving tractors, tea parties with my great grandmother…….Those summers in little Roby, TX are what built my childhood. Thinking of them makes me smile overtime!
Contact Info:
- Phone: 918.740.8075
- Email: rebellotusmeditation@gmail.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rebellotusmeditation
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